Strange couple of days ...

It seems strange to say that literally the day I posted my last post, which mainly revolved entirely around weight loss tips, literally a little over 12 hours later, I lost my job.

Over the past couple of months or so, I have been commenting on how my job was making me miserable. I guess it was kind of an omen, and especially the post a few months ago where I commented I was pretty close to losing my job, finally comes to a head.

I've only had about four jobs in my entire life, not counting odd jobs or babysitting. The two in the middle I quit because of mistreatment, one ended because the restaurant closed, and the first one I got fired from because I couldn't sell time shares over the telephone when I was 18. So this is the first job I've been fired from in 6 years, so needless to say, it's kind of surreal. The jobs I quit, whatever was bothering me built up for so long, and the quitting was dramatic, so it was kind of like the ending registered. It was there.

When I got fired, they did it right before my regularly scheduled lunch hour. When they fired me, I didn't get upset. I acted like I didn't care, and I always thought when it got to this point I would actually be excited because I could focus on getting the job I want, which did float through my mind for a moment. But when it happened, I started thinking about this: Literally the day before I got fired, I applied for and got approved for a credit card (my first!), and that same day went to go look for a new smart phone (largely why I'm getting a credit card), and then I started thinking that James is supposed to have oral surgery, and oh yeah! So am I! And not to mention, our wedding which we have been saving for! And oh yeah, my phone payment's due in 5 days and so is James! And cable! And how much we struggled when James supported both of us. I still didn't get upset, I wasn't going to let them think I cared. As I was leaving, I made my best effort to make it look like I was just leaving normally, and wasn't upset, but I'm sure I looked a little bit dazed. I didn't let it hit me until I got home and saw James, and to be honest I was only upset because I felt like I had let him down, but I didn't let him down. He had been waiting for this to end, and really so was I, but it was just awful timing!

So early this afternoon, we started driving around Gainesville looking for a job. We eventually decided to only stop at businesses with help wanted signs in the window. We drove around for not even an hour and I walked into a mexican restaurant. The manager asked me a grand total of three questions, told me what to wear and to be there at 11am Saturday, and I was kind of flustered as I started realizing that I was just handed a job. We even walked into one more place and got an application before I looked at James and said, "Did I just get a job?"

I feel like I'm in this weird in-between place. I still don't feel like I was ever fired. I feel like I just have a lot of days off this week because it felt so sudden. I'm still kind of in shock, even though I really hated it there, I really did. Maybe if I had reacted more, it would have been less strange feeling. It feels like a weird dream (and as someone who sometimes confuses the dreams with real life, it's even stranger feeling). Many people there were worse employees and missed more days than I did, but I'm honestly starting to think it was because I didn't kiss ass there, and I didn't act like I loved my job, and it's very hard for me to "fake it". They may have also just felt like they needed to make an example of me in my department. Whatever it was, I didn't care and that was probably conveyed more than I realized in my body language and actions, and it was time to move on.

Then getting handed another job so quickly feels strange. I'm so nervous about waitressing again, I haven't done so in about five years. It feels like it's too good to be true, so I'm afraid I'll screw up right away, which I know is ridiculous. I think when I start Saturday, for a few days I might feel like I have two jobs. None of it's hit me at all. I haven't even told my parents I got fired. It feels like some weird clerical error. Imagine their surprise when I just have a different job.

I'm hoping this feeling of shock wears off soon. Wish me luck at my new job!