I just realized the prescence of a very large hole in between my last two posts. Particularly the bit about being terrified of marriage, and then a month later my very obvious status change from "terrified" to "ecstatic".
The reason I grew terrified is because I was, as I mentioned several times, looking at the word "marriage" as a life sentence. I thought once I got married that was it. Once I got married, I couldn't do all the things I wanted to, especially the things that involved travel and trying all sorts of different careers and places to live.
So, I changed the way I was thinking about it. If James and I had never got engaged, never planned to wed, would things be different? No. James has always maintained that he would go with me wherever my life (our life) took me (or us). His common denominator is me. Mine is him. Neither of our lives feel complete without the other in it. The only difference between being engaged and being married is a slight name change for me and the loss of my parent's insurance which I'll be dropped from when I turn 25 anyway, which by the time we're married will only be about six months away or less since we're planning on a fall wedding.
What we'll gain from being married means a lot more.
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